The Truth of the Matter - critical essay about a friend

The Truth of the Matter

I'd like to tell you about a friend of mine that I've known for over two years. He goes to a support group at the Ardmore Public Library that I regularly attend. I really appreciate the friendship that I have with him however there are some concerns that I have about him that I feel I need to express. I'll detail those below.

First of all, I've questioned his honesty at times. He has made more than a few statements that are or seem to be untrue. I'd chalk some of these statements up to harmless exaggeration but not all of them. I'll give you a recent example to show you what I mean. About two weeks ago he told me that he saw a temperature display by the bank which according to him displayed a temperature of minus 11 degrees. I then told him that there was no way that figure was correct. This seemed to make him upset so I did not further challenge him on this point. The bank temperature display may well have showed -11 but out of common sense he should have realized that in no way was that number anywhere near being correct. It simply does not ever get that cold in Oklahoma. A few days I later learned that the lowest temperature in Oklahoma ever recorded was -2 degrees Fahrenheit. If I'm not mistaken, that temperature was recorded in 1932.

A month or so ago he asked some people from a local church to help him clean up his house. This was something that was badly needed. To say that the inside of his house was greatly cluttered would be an understatement. Well, they did a good job in cleaning up his house as I can attest to; the difference was quite dramatic. Then, a few days later he complained to me that some items were missing and that he believed the people from the church were to blame for this (the items were accidentally thrown away and/or stolen according to him). Among the items claimed to be gone were some DVDs that he checked out from the Ardmore Public Library and a CPAP machine (a medical device to help one with sleep apnea); more recently he mentioned that a silk shirt was missing.

I find it highly unlikely that any of the above items were in fact missing. Even less likely is the possibility that members from that church were in any way responsible. They did the man a big favor by cleaning up his house; they received no payment to do any of this work as it was all voluntered by them. I feel that his criticism of them was at least somewhat unjustifiable because they did all of this work for free plus the fact that he could've removed valuable items from his house beforehand so that there was no way they could have been thrown away. Consider that these items in no way appear to be trash thus it seems unlikely they would've been thrown away intentionally. He had the nerve to ask the church to replace the DVDs which are valued at $150 according to the library. I recall him telling the librarian that she needed to consult with his lawyer about the DVDs which the library demanded to be compensated for. I thought that was a rather odd statement for two reasons: I doubt that he has a lawyer (lawyers don't work for free you know; he is on a low fixed income which means that he probably doesn't have the funds to pay an attorney) and it seemed as if he was trying to absolve himself of any responsiblity in the matter by blaming the church. The librarian told him that getting a lawyer involved was not necessary. He and he alone was responsible for the return of the DVDs regardless of what may have actually happened to them. This makes sense to me. You can't for example blame your dog if he ate your homework as the old saying goes.

Another thing that I question is his integrity. Over four months ago myself, him, and my dad went to Wal-Mart after the meeting at the library. While there he asked my dad to loan him $20 to buy some clothes. My dad, being the generous person that he is, gave him the money. On more than one occassion he mentioned something about repaying my dad. On one occassion, he said something about getting the $20 from his accountant. I seriously doubt that he has an accountant as he is a person of limited means as I mentioned previously. Now he never says anything about this debt. My dad hasn't asked for payment but he should not have to. My belief is that a person should keep to their word. If you promise something to someone, you should keep your promise to that person unless there's a legitimate reason why you can't keep that promise. My sense is that my dad will never get his $20 back from him. Granted that this isn't a large sum of money but the principle of the matter must be considered here, I think.

He also seems to be an individual that seeks to take advantage of people. A good example of this is when he orders an expensive item off the menu at a restaurant when we're together with my dad. You see it's kind of a tradition that my dad and I (plus a guest maybe) eat out prior to the meeting. This seems improper to me because my dad is paying the bill. He has offered on more than occassion to treat us to dinner but this has never happened. Furthermore, he hasn't even offered to pay the tip which would only amout to a few dollars. If I were taken out to a restaurant where someone else was paying the tab, I'd not go overboard on ordering and I'd offer to pay all or part of the tip unless I was truly broke.

Another example of him trying to take advantage of my dad's generousity was when he asked him to pay for half of a gas stove. The stove that he had was quite old and didn't work anymore. My dad and I disposed of the old stove for him. He explained to my dad that he'd have his half of the payment in a week's time. A week went by and when the day came to get the stove he claimed that he didn't have the money. Also he asked my dad if he could pay his half later. My dad replied that wasn't acceptable. More than a year has gone by since then and to this day he still does not have a gas stove. I'm not certain about this, but I think he planned in advance to ask my dad to pay for all of the stove rather than coming up with half of the money as agreed.

I should mention that it's not my desire to be overly critical of him as he does have some good character traits. Everyone has positive and negatives aspects. I just wish he was more honest and trustworthy. It's probably safe to say that we'll continue to be friends in the future despite the issues that I outlined above. Guess what I should do is more critically evaluate statements from him that seem questionable in some way. Perhaps he'll come to realize the error of his ways but I really doubt this. I wonder if he realizes what he is doing or on the other hand he realizes that he is sometimes acting in a manipulative way.