Responses to Bartholomae and Elbow

In Responses to Bartholomae and Elbow, David Bartholomae is discussing the place of academic writing in the university environment. Bartholomae argues that academic writing is the real work of the academy. He encourages the idea of what he calls a frontier classroom a pure and open space where free writing may be done that's free from the influences of institutional pressures, the influences of culture, an historical moment outside of history, and is an academic setting that's free from academic writing. His desire is to relinquish authority in the classroom, to empower his students, and to give his students ownership of their work.

Peter Elbow discusses the conflict between the role of the writer and that of the academic. Elbow states that his wish is that students inhabit both roles comfortably. He cautions us about treating key texts as museum pieces under glass. Another thing he emphasizes is that writing should be encouraged more than reading.

Bartholomae and Elbow agree on things in large part. One place where they differ is that Bartholomae comes down on the side of skepticism in an undergraduate writing course whereas Elbow takes the side of credulity as the governing idea.

Me and My Shadow

In Me and My Shadow, Jane Tompkins writes "...The public-private dichotomy , which is to say the public-private hierarchy, is a founding condition of female oppression..." I'd disagree with this statement. Tompkins is misusing the lens of feminism and in so doing she reaches a wrong conclusion. In some kinds of critical writing, formal and informal language should not be mixed. This has nothing to do with female oppression. Later in the article she shows her bias again by proclaiming her disdain of men and overgeneralizing about how men show their feelings. Rather than looking through the lens of feminism, she should strive to be more objective and accurate in her pronouncements. She seems to be saying that "All men are pigs." Tompkins claims that she has been conditioned to feel embarrassed when speaking personally in a professional context. I find this hard to believe. Sometimes there is an expectation that one should not do this but that's a long way from being conditioned to write that way. Again, what writing style one should use depends upon the context. If a woman feel likes she always has to write in the father tongue, not the mother tongue, that is not necessarily due to female oppression by men. It could be due to just a self-imposed "straight jacket".

On Reading Montaigne

Montaigne, in my opinion, is a very interesting person. While reading his essays, I felt that I was inside his head, in a sense. In "On Some Verses of Virgil", he discusses his opinions of women, sexuality, marriage, and nobility; he frequently quotes Virgil and other poets. Oftentimes Montaigne takes side excursions into various topics but most of these digressions, I feel, are alright in that after a while we see how they're actually related to what he was discussing before the digression. It seems that his meanderings are actually organized something that we may not see after first blush.

Vocabulary words

Pestilential - Producing pestilence or plague; pestilent.

Cobnut - The nut of the Common Hazel (Corylus avellana); hazelnut.

Ebullient - Boiling, agitated, enthusiastic.

Palliate -

1. To lessen the severity of; to extenuate.
2. To cause to seem less serious.
3. To relieve the symptoms of; to ameliorate.
4. To cover by excuses and apologies.

Auricular -

1. Of or pertaining to the ear, or to the sense of hearing; as, auricular nerves.
2. Told in the ear, i. e., told privately; as, auricular confession to the priest.
3. Recognized by the ear; known by the sense of hearing; as, auricular evidence.
4. Received by the ear; known by report.
5. (anatomy) Pertaining to the auricles of the heart.

Retinue -

1. A group of servants or attendants, especially of someone considered important.

the queen’s retinues

2. (obsolete) A service relationship.

Cashiered - To dismiss from service, as the military service, especially with disgrace.

Ignominy - Great dishonor, shame, or humiliation.

Paramour - An illicit lover, either male or female.

Assiduous - Hard-working, diligent or regular (in attendance or work); industrious.

Concupiscence - An ardent desire, esp. sexual desire; lust.

Parricide - someone who kills a relative, especially a parent.

Cuckold - A man married to an unfaithful wife, especially a husband who does not know or accept this position.

Cuckolded - To make a cuckold of someone by being unfaithful, or by seducing his wife.

Caponizing - To castrate a cockerel in order to fatten it for table use.

Indefatigable - Extremely persistent and untiring.

Semiotics - The study of signs and symbols, especially as means of language or communication.

Structuralism - A theory of sociology that views elements of society as part of a cohesive self-supporting structure.

Post-structuralism - A doctrine that rejects structuralism’s claims to objectivity and emphasizes the plurality of meaning.

Pedagogic - Of or relating to teaching.

Belletristic - Of, pertaining to, or having the characteristics of belles-lettres (literary works valued more for their aesthetic qualities rather than for any informative or educational content).

Exegesis - An exposition or explanation of a text, especially a religious one.

Hermeneutic - That explains, interprets, illustrates or elucidates.

Lucid Landscapes

Lucid Landscapes

They wheeled me into the operating room. The room was brightly lit and very cold. This was to be my first time at a hospital for a major surgery. I was moved to the operating table. As you might suspect I was quite apprehensive of this. On a table nearby one could see the steely gleam of various surgical instruments. Sharp instruments that soon would be used to methodically slice through flesh − my flesh. The eerie silence was only interrupted by the beep of the heart monitor. As I was starting to become woozy from the anesthetic that was injected into the I.V. running into my arm, I couldn’t help but wonder if this might be the last time I’d ever be awake. I was now in the hands of God; there was no turning back now.

I awoke in the I.C.U. still groggy from the anesthetic. My time there was kind of fuzzy to my recollection because of the pain medication that I was being constantly administered. In addition to that medication, there was what they called a "pain button" that I could press that would give me a dose of pain medication on top of what I was already getting through an I.V. Regardless of how many times you pushed the button, medication would only be administered every 15 minutes at the most. Mainly I recall my parents milling about and a television set that was in front of me. After a few days they moved me out of I.C.U. into a private hospital room.

I learned that during the surgery a small perforation in my esophagus came about. This surgical complication caused me to have to stay in the hospital for a total of 33 days! The concern was that anything that I ate/drank might end up in the cavity of my chest which might lead to infection and pneumonia. So I couldn't leave the hospital until this perforation healed. To help prevent pneumonia, I had to exhale into this apparatus − a tube with a cylinder inside of it which would go up and down as you breathed into it − multiple times a day. I also learned that my esophagus was very thick in places. The surgeons had to trim away the excess tissue. John Randolph, the main surgeon, a former football player on the OU Sooners, said that this was the worst case of achalasia, a motility disorder of the esophagus, that he had ever seen.

Because of this perforation I couldn't eat nor drink; for weeks my only sustenance was delivered through I.V. (glucose). I regularly used a dampened swab to keep my mouth from becoming dry. In since I wasn't eating any solid food I only had to urinate. Most of the time I was there I used a catheter because it was impractical for me to get out of bed due to all of the hoses and wires connected to me. Later on I would be fed a bag of a thick liquid through a tube going directly to my stomach. Twice a day a nurse would replace this bag. Before they allowed me to eat/drink anything they tested my esophagus by feeding me flavored gelatin. This gelatin would come out through a tube in my stomach and then end up in a bag on the floor. It was really strange seeing what you had just eaten wind up in a bag! After this stomach tube was removed they allowed me to eat regular food. Hospital food, while tending to be bland, is a most welcome sight if you haven’t eaten anything in weeks let me tell you!

What helped me to maintain my sanity during those 33 days would be largely attributed to the kind staff at the hospital who were usually very helpful, my parents (particularly my dad who took off many days of work to see me; my mom was only able to visit me a few times because she couldn't miss very many days of work), and the prayers/support from my church family. I'm quite sure that the Lord was looking after me during this trying ordeal. And, oh yeah, the drugs they pumped into me made my stay a lot more comfortable too.

There were a few “glitches” in my care while I was there. One time a nurse came into give me some kind of a pill. The problem? I couldn’t ingest anything! The sign in my room clearly said so. On another occasion, some guy came into wheel me off to radiation treatment (presumably for radiating a tumor)! I told him that he must have come to the wrong room. He then left. Multiple times a day they checked my blood sugar level with a glucose meter. For a few days my blood sugar level was registering very high. I was puzzled by this until I realized that they were pricking the fingers on the arm where my I.V. went into. The readings were high because of the glucose entering my vein! This mistake stopped being repeated after I pointed this out to a nurse.

There isn't a lot to do when in a hospital really. I spent much of my time watching television, doing crossword puzzles with my dad, and walking inside of the hospital with my dad in tow with the wheeled cart holding my I.V. bag and monitoring equipment). You see I had to have someone help me when I went for a walk because it was inconvenient to disconnect all of the hoses and sensors going to my body. I also had to use a walker which was there to help me from falling something that would be dangerous and quite painful if it happened. Walking was required. I had to go for a walk two or three times a day to help in my rehabilitation.

The bipolar disorder that I have largely went untreated until I was able to eat again. For just about all of my hospital stay I was in a manic (high) stage. This had the interesting effect of altering how the medications they gave me worked. The only thing they could give me was Ativan (lorazepam), a benzodiazepine, to control anxiety, help me to sleep, and act as a weak mood stabilizer. The Ativan was administered on as needed basis. They also gave me morphine for pain and Benadryl (diphenhydramine) for sleep. Eventually I discovered that to get any real rest I needed to take all three of these compounds at once. This “chemical cocktail” proved to be not only effective but offered some interesting side effects to say the least foremost of them being that it caused me to have a bunch of very strange dreams. Fortunately for me I experienced little to no depression while I was there.

I recall one time when I asked the nurse for this drug combo. The nurse said that this would be too much medicine at one time which would certainly render me unconscious. I told her that this wouldn’t be the case (later I learned that ordinarily such a mixture would “knock a mule on its hind end”). My dad who was present at the time confirmed this. You see I was so manicky that this mixture’s sleep producing qualities was largely neutralized. Instead of becoming unconscious immediately, which is what would normally happen, I experienced a profound sense of pleasure − a “buzz” that would last an hour or more. I’ve noticed a similar effect when I drink alcohol when I’m in an extreme state of mania. During these times I’m able to consume an amount of alcohol that ordinarily would knock me out. This reminds me of a story that I heard while in college years ago. A classmate told me how he “sobered up” by taking meth after drinking a fifth of whiskey. He claimed that it was almost like he wasn’t even drunk. I’ve heard it said the mania that meth users experience is similar to bipolar mania. Incidentally, about 60% of people with bipolar disorder have substance abuse problems. Fortunately I’m not among that statistic. What they do is self-medicate when they’re depressed to try to recreate the high that they’ve felt before. While I don’t advocate the use of street drugs, I can see why these individuals, in some cases, turn to this kind of thing. It’s safe to say that many of these people might not have turned to drugs if they received timely and effective treatment of their bipolar.

I think when one is manic it’s sort of like everything is amped up − your senses are heightened and your mind is working at “warp speed”. Oftentimes I get the euphoric kind of mania which I understand is rare among people who are bipolar. This euphoria might best be simulated by one taking some kind of stimulant along with an opiate such as morphine. So intense is this high it would make many people who have bipolar tempted to not take the mood stabilizer that they’ve been prescribed. Along with this sense of euphoria that I experience is a general sense of wellbeing, accelerated thought processes, pressured (rapid) speech, speaking in a louder than normal voice, a noticeable increase in creativeness (it’s a fact that I’ve done some of my best work while I was manic), and hypersexuality (increased sex drive). For a person who has never experienced mania before it’s difficult to explain to that person what mania is really like. That’s because there’s no close analogue to it other than chemically induced mania. Nowadays it’s rare that I have a major manic episode. To be honest, I really miss these feelings of euphoria and the increase in creative capability that sometimes accompanies this state of mind. Some of the best poems that I've ever written I created while I was manic. You can see a clear qualitative difference between poems that I wrote while in a “normal” state of mind versus a manic one. My productivity also goes way up when I'm feeling manicky. When in the manic stage, it's not uncommon of me to write multiple articles and/or poems in a single day.

Morphine, an opiate, does its work by hitting the opioid receptors in the brain which causes the pain signals to be blocked. It also has the effect of creating a euphoric high. Morphine is known to produce intense dream sequences something that I can personally attest to. In my case, it caused me to have a series of dreams − some of which were repeating dreams − that were extremely vivid, very colorful, and interesting. I need to note that before and after my hospital stay I rarely if ever had a repeating dream. I find the phenomenon of repeating dreams (a dream that you have more than once with close to identical content) very fascinating. What might be behind this sort of thing is completely unknown to me. I’d say that some of what I thought was mere dreams were actually hallucinatory dreams, a cross between a dream and a hallucination. Whatever these dreams were or were not, they’re something that I’m sure I’ll never forget. Another thing that may have contributed to the surrealistic dreams that I was having was the nicotine patch that I had on constantly (replaced every 24 hours). The reason I was wearing the patch was because you’re not allowed to smoke in the hospital. I’ve read before that nicotine has some kind of influence on you dreams. The effect, I think, is to make your dreams more vivid and perhaps stranger in nature.

To my recollection, there were a total of seven repeating dreams plus at least three non-repeating dreams. I really wish that I was keeping notes of what all I dreamed. So what all I’m about to tell you is from my memory. 2005, which is four years ago from the time of this writing, was when I had my surgery so what you’ll be getting is mainly the highlights. Some of these dreams were of the lucid variety. Lucid dreaming is where the dreamer is aware that he/she is dreaming. The seven repeating dreams are shown first.

Nazis − I, along with a few other people, were being tortured by some Nazi soldiers. We were chained to what appeared to be a structure resembling a swing set without the swings. The soldiers kept striking us with a whip. Every time I was whipped I felt pain. An interesting thing to note is that I really felt pain something that has never happened to me in a dream in the past. Most usually one doesn’t feel much in the way of actual pain in a dream. Eventually I was able to escape somehow or another through a trail in the forest where I was at.

Vehicles − myself and some other people were riding around in these cars on a track that were automatically controlled. On the rear of each vehicle was an advertisement being shown on some kind of display panel.

Basketball court – I found myself playing basketball there at night. Some other things went on in this dream. Unfortunately I don’t recall these events.

Girl − this was one of the most beautiful dreams that I’ve ever had. It’s difficult to put this one into words but I’ll try. There was this girl who was going through some kind of “time loop”. Each time she’d go through this “loop” she would be transformed into another person (always female) with a different name. What I believe I saw was something akin to reincarnation shown to me in a compressed format (years compressed into just a few minutes). I’m not sure that I believe that the spirits of all people get reincarnated, however, I think that children who die in the womb or later on (before the age of accountability) do come back somehow or another. In some sense of the word they are reborn into the world, I think. I sort of came to this conclusion through the application of logic. For example, let’s say that a fetus was lost through a miscarriage, still birth, or abortion. If indeed this fetus has a spirit − I strongly believe that it does − it rightfully should have some kind of opportunity to be born again into the world. Surely God gives everyone the chance to become an adult. Why? Because until one reaches adulthood they aren’t at the age of accountability yet(some say that this age is 12 years old) which means that if they fail to be saved (except Christ) before this age they won’t be penalized for not knowing the Lord. What other alternative would there be? God is imminently fair and just. He gives everyone the chance to accept Him.

Razor wire − Not all sure what went on in this dream but I do recall climbing over a fence with razor wire on it. As in the Nazi dream I actually felt pain while trying to get through the fence.

“Snow world” − I named this dream this because everywhere you could look there was snow. The weird thing is that the snow had a taste to it and even felt cold. I should note that this is the only dream that I’ve ever had where there was snow in it. Another notable thing is that it’s rare for anything to have a taste in a dream; most usually food (or whatever) has little to no taste to it. The sensation of hot/cold is also rarely found in a dream. In dreams, the senses of sight, sound, and feel are usually predominant. The senses of taste and smell are largely absent from most dreams. This has been my personal experience anyway.

“Slasher” − kind of a cross between a slasher movie and an adult film. This particular dream was very disturbing. These naked women were going around attacking people with knives. I had a knife myself which I used more than once to defend myself from attacks. The violence was extremely graphic − wounds and blood looked quite realistic.

Now for the dreams that didn’t repeat. These dreams were also strange and offered a high amount of detail as with the dreams mentioned previously. Dreams that aren’t surrealistic tend to offer detail that’s murky and vague. This level of detail is what you find in most all dreams unless you’re under the influence of some kind of drug or you have schizophrenia. People that are schizophrenic tend to have dreams that are more colorful, detailed, and vivid. Mania probably also affects dreaming I’d imagine.

Flying saucers − In this dream I was by a lake where there was “parked” three flying saucers (alien spacecraft). I looked inside one of them to see an intricate cockpit, a cockpit not unlike what you’d find inside of an airplane. The detail that I saw was quite good. I’m seriously wondering if this was actually a dream. I may have been seeing this in reality somehow or another. In case you’re wondering, I didn’t see any alien beings. My suspicion is that these flying saucers were actually top secret aircraft owned by the U.S. government.

Zoo − I was at some kind of a zoo. I recall walking through a series of what I might describe as being arboretums (enclosed areas with lots of plant life).

Super Strings − This one is really bizarre. At the beginning of the dream I found myself on board of the U.S.S. Enterprise (as seen in the television series Star Trek). I thought myself to be one of the characters on Star Trek (which one I can’t recall). I’ve had dreams similar to this before. Now here’s the twist: I stepped off the stage! Looking back to where I was at I noticed that the stage was a semicircle − just how it appears in real life. Outside of this stage where I now found myself was near total blackness except for these black cylinders everywhere. Someone (or something) imparted to me that what I was actually seeing where something similar to super strings the building blocks of a universe and that I was in just one universe out of the many universes that exist.
According to Wikipedia:

Superstring theory is an attempt to explain all of the particles and fundamental forces of nature in one theory by modeling them as vibrations of tiny supersymmetric strings. It is considered one of the most promising candidate theories of quantum gravity. Superstring theory is a shorthand for supersymmetric string theory because unlike bosonic string theory, it is the version of string theory that incorporates fermions and supersymmetry.

I also learned that these black cylinders could be combined in certain ways to make anything that you like. Later in the dream I was going through a kind of tunnel where it seemed like I was quickly moving past different universes as I went further into it. It seemed as if I was traveling through a higher dimension perhaps a temporal (time) dimension as opposed to a spatial one. I’ve had other dreams where it seemed as if time were two-dimensional (perhaps even three dimensional). In these other dreams, time was usually represented as being a plane instead of a line. I’ve heard that users of LSD and people who have schizophrenia sometimes experience additional dimensions in space/time. Perhaps I was having kind of a shamanic experience without the aid of hallucinogens such as “magic mushrooms”, peyote, and toads that secrete a coating on their skin that contains hallucinogenic compounds.
Since my hospital stay I’ve extensively studied dreams − lucid dreaming in particular. I’ve also done extensive research on out of body experiences (sometimes known as astral projection) possibly a related phenomenon. My dreaming took a “quantum leap” after I began identifying dream symbols and applying various tests that I developed based on those symbols. Dream symbols are things in dreams that don’t normally happen in reality. Examples: the ability to fly, lack of gravity, distorted sense of time, etc. Once I’ve successfully applied one or more of these tests I tell myself something like “I am in a lucid dream” or that “I’ve reached 100% lucidity”. This is to mentally confirm that I am now in control of the dream that I find myself in. Don’t skip this step because it’s vital.

What I developed was a series of five tests using common dream symbols. Here are the tests that I’ve come up with. 1) Bounce check: jump up in the air; if you fall back down slowly you know that you’re in a dream (dreams usually lack the element of gravity). 2) Light switch test: try to turn on a light; if nothing happens it’s likely you’re dreaming. 3) Body distortion: check to see if your body parts are in the proper places, see if you’re taller/shorter than you should be, if you’re the correct gender, etc. 4) Try to put your hand through yourself or another object (a wall is a good choice); if you’re able to penetrate, you’ll likely come to the realization that you’re dreaming. 5) Attempt to read some text in a book. If you’re really dreaming, the text will generally look weird and will change itself around each time you look at it. Things in dreams are usually unstable, changing, fluid, and inconsistent. A test similar to this one is checking the time on a watch. The second time you check the time the watch will show the time as being hours in the future or the past. Always be on the lookout for inconsistencies as they’re tip offs that you may be dreaming. What do you do once you know that you’re dreaming? The answer is that the sky is the limit because you, not your unconscious mind, is now in control!

I wish that I had been aware of the techniques that I mentioned above while I was in the hospital. Since that time I’ve had a fairly good number of lucid dreams. Somehow I’ve also been able to jack up the level of detail, increase the richness of colors (color in dreams is usually muted), and enhanced the lighting (dreams seem to be dark usually; for instance, you usually don’t see a brilliant sun or a bright blue sky) in my dreams at times. My belief is that this became possible when in someway my conscious mind influenced my unconscious mind so that alterations were made in the dreaming process itself. I think I did this mainly by meditating upon a series of commands to myself while I was awake. Commands might include “I will have a lucid dream tonight”, “Be sure to check all light switches”, “I will be in control of my dreams tonight”, and so on. Usually we think of the unconscious mind affecting our waking mind not the other way around. As I’ve just shown it’s possible to get the reverse to happen via meditation. I wonder what kinds of dreams I might dream if I ingested some mind altering substances right before going to sleep. My guess is that I would have dreams that were even more “amped up” than the ones I had at the hospital. Guess I’ll never know.

The first thing that I did after getting out of the hospital was to go eat at Red Lobster with my dad. I was kind of nauseated so I had to take part of the food home. I probably should have stayed in the hospital one more day. Later I learned that my insurance wouldn’t pay for any more days. Basically they give you the boot after a certain time period unless you pay for extra days out of pocket. After going to the restaurant we headed home. Every day I had to change the bandages where the incisions had been made until things got healed up. The risk of having the surgery done was worth it. Now food doesn’t stay in my esophagus for days and I only experience fairly minor chest pains on occasion. Each year I have an endoscopy done to see if everything looks alright in my esophagus. About every two years I have to go have a barium swallow test. That’s where you have to stand in front of an x-ray machine while drinking this nasty tasting liquid that contains a radioactive isotope of barium. It was a barium swallow test that first indicated that I have achalasia. Later tests confirmed that I have this condition.

First paragraphs of five essays I might like to write someday

The Turbocharged Turtle

A lot of people think that all turtles are slow but this could not be any further from the truth. Take the case of Speed Turtle. On a good day, he's fast as all get out. Then, on a bad day, he might be slower than molasses. What accounts for the difference in speed? That's what we aim to find out.

The Quantum Collapse

It seems like everyone has experienced déjà vu at least once in their life. Déjà vu is the feeling that something that you've experienced has happened before but you have no conscious recollection of the past experience in question. The basis for this phenomenon has been chalked up to many different things. We will examine those here and in addition to that I'd like for us to examine another avenue of exploration in an attempt to explain what déjà vu really is. In so doing we'll hopefully learn more about ourselves.

The Still Small Voice

God speaks to us in many different ways. Sometimes God's voice is a shout, a whisper, or inaudible. Sometimes He speaks to us in the third-person (through someone else), reveals Himself through nature, or by showing us signs. The above mentioned things are just a few ways that He can communicate with us. I'd like to describe to you how He has spoken to me in the past and what all that He showed me.

The Network

Just where is your mind? This is a question that philosophers have explored for hundreds of years. There is not a concise answer to this question nevertheless we'll attempt to address this issue with the great attention that it deserves. We'll also have a look at how are minds are all connected. Hopefully after reading this you'll have a better understanding of yourself and your place in the universe.

Lucid Landscapes

Dreams, particularly dreams where the dreamer is aware that he/she is dreaming (lucid dreams) and/or contain something of a special significance, are a fascinating thing. Most dreams aren't of the lucid variety. Everyday we dream about something. Most dreams it is said we do not recall. Of those that we can recall, they haven't any special meaning or significance most usually. Every once and a while someone has a dream that does contain significant elements --- something in the unconscious mind is somehow connected to something that has or will happen in reality. Here we will examine lucid dreaming and have a look at some dreams that I've had where there might have been some special meanings.

Five best essays based on first paragraphs

1) A Chapter on Ears - page 165.
2) Going Out for a Walk - page 237.
3) A Piece of Chalk - page 249.
4) Street Haunting - page 256.
5) Such, Such Were the Joys... - page 269.

"Honorable mentions" -

1) Meatless Days - page 459.
2) On Being an American - page 506.
3) Once A Tramp, Always... - page 546.
4) The Threshold and the Jolt of Pain - page 662.
5) The Knife - page 708.

Jail Bird - an essay on something that brought me pleasure

Jail Bird

Birding, also known as birdwatching, is a hobby in which one studies and observes birds using the naked eye or through binoculars or some other optical means to bring the subject closer into view. A birder, someone who is engaged in this activity, may also take photographs of the birds for further study and to share these images with others. I've been involved in this field for over 20 years. Since that time I've identified more than a few birds --- mainly songbirds, my specialty. Birders maintain a list of birds that they have identified. You see part of the fun of birding is to see how many birds that you're able to properly identify. My bird list is not long exactly, however, it does contain a few rare birds, something that I consider to be a worthy accomplishment.

I'd like to recount one of my most pleasurable outings where I went to look at birds. I got out my 7x35 binoculars and then walked down to the Craven Nature Trail which is located on the Tishomingo National Wildlife Refuge. The time of this event was at least 10 years ago. I walked down the trail a ways to find a thicket alongside the trail. This looked like a good place to observe birds so I sat down there to wait for some birds to come by. After at least 15 minutes birds starting showing up. In since I was so still and quiet, the birds did not perceive that I was there. You see birds are very sensitive to noise and motion. Unlike some animals they don't go by scent very much to recognize possible predators. Any sudden nearby motions will almost certainly scare a bird off. For this reason it's best to use a tree, thicket, or brush as a blind. Some birders will even construct a blind out of wood, fabric, or some other suitable material. The refuge that I mentioned above has a wooden bird blind located near some birdfeeders. That is an excellent place in which to observe birds. There are holes in the blind so that you can view the birds without their knowledge. You have to be quiet of course when doing this otherwise you might scare the birds off.

Some of the birds that I saw on the nature trail were birds that I have seen in the past but a few of them were ones that not only had I not seen before I haven't seen them since. These were birds that most people have only seen in a photograph if at all. I don't recall all of the birds that I saw that day but one does stand in my mind after all of those years. It was a warbler a type of small songbird. Warblers, by the way, are all rare in Oklahoma. As a matter of fact, due to shrinking habitats, they are rare all across the United States to one extent to another. Many years ago they were plentiful. Sadly some varieties of warblers are instinct. You really have to look hard if you want to see any at all. They don't eat at backyard feeders to my knowledge so you have to go out in the woods to find them. This particular warbler, the name of which I can't recall at the moment, sported black and white stripes. I termed it the "jail bird" because the stripes reminded of me of prisoners of long ago who wore striped outfits to identify themselves as inmates. Really wish that I had a camera with me that day so I could have taken a photo of it. I'm sure there would be many others who would appreciate seeing this bird. It was truly a wonder of nature.

I'll never forget what I saw that day. When I see something like this, it makes me wonder how anyone could say that God doesn't exist. Clearly a higher power was involved in the creation of such a thing because I can't see how something like this would be created on its own --- something that surely must have been created for man's enjoyment to my way of thinking. I'm hoping that some day I'll get to see some more warblers especially the striped one that I mentioned previously. Next time I go out birding I'll be armed with a camera and some binoculars!

"On Running After One's Hat"

In this essay, Chesterton describes various experiences, some of which are humorous in nature, where most people would consider to be negative he recasts as a positive. The first thing he notes is the flooding of part of London followed by a boy waiting at a train station, a man chasing after his hat, someone trying to get a fly out of some milk or a piece of cork out of some wine, and a man who was trying to open a stuck drawer.

I thought that this essay was humorous and also gave one some food for thought regarding the experiences that he recounted. He regarded chasing after one's hat in the wind, for example, as an adventurous experience rather than a mere nuisance. Another example of this sort of thing is when he explained to someone that opening a stuck drawer should be seen as a great challenge as opposed to a source of aggravation. The main point Chesterton was trying to make, I think, is that one should try to view a challenge in a more positive light and in so doing one might see that challenge as more of a good thing.

The Truth of the Matter - critical essay about a friend

The Truth of the Matter

I'd like to tell you about a friend of mine that I've known for over two years. He goes to a support group at the Ardmore Public Library that I regularly attend. I really appreciate the friendship that I have with him however there are some concerns that I have about him that I feel I need to express. I'll detail those below.

First of all, I've questioned his honesty at times. He has made more than a few statements that are or seem to be untrue. I'd chalk some of these statements up to harmless exaggeration but not all of them. I'll give you a recent example to show you what I mean. About two weeks ago he told me that he saw a temperature display by the bank which according to him displayed a temperature of minus 11 degrees. I then told him that there was no way that figure was correct. This seemed to make him upset so I did not further challenge him on this point. The bank temperature display may well have showed -11 but out of common sense he should have realized that in no way was that number anywhere near being correct. It simply does not ever get that cold in Oklahoma. A few days I later learned that the lowest temperature in Oklahoma ever recorded was -2 degrees Fahrenheit. If I'm not mistaken, that temperature was recorded in 1932.

A month or so ago he asked some people from a local church to help him clean up his house. This was something that was badly needed. To say that the inside of his house was greatly cluttered would be an understatement. Well, they did a good job in cleaning up his house as I can attest to; the difference was quite dramatic. Then, a few days later he complained to me that some items were missing and that he believed the people from the church were to blame for this (the items were accidentally thrown away and/or stolen according to him). Among the items claimed to be gone were some DVDs that he checked out from the Ardmore Public Library and a CPAP machine (a medical device to help one with sleep apnea); more recently he mentioned that a silk shirt was missing.

I find it highly unlikely that any of the above items were in fact missing. Even less likely is the possibility that members from that church were in any way responsible. They did the man a big favor by cleaning up his house; they received no payment to do any of this work as it was all voluntered by them. I feel that his criticism of them was at least somewhat unjustifiable because they did all of this work for free plus the fact that he could've removed valuable items from his house beforehand so that there was no way they could have been thrown away. Consider that these items in no way appear to be trash thus it seems unlikely they would've been thrown away intentionally. He had the nerve to ask the church to replace the DVDs which are valued at $150 according to the library. I recall him telling the librarian that she needed to consult with his lawyer about the DVDs which the library demanded to be compensated for. I thought that was a rather odd statement for two reasons: I doubt that he has a lawyer (lawyers don't work for free you know; he is on a low fixed income which means that he probably doesn't have the funds to pay an attorney) and it seemed as if he was trying to absolve himself of any responsiblity in the matter by blaming the church. The librarian told him that getting a lawyer involved was not necessary. He and he alone was responsible for the return of the DVDs regardless of what may have actually happened to them. This makes sense to me. You can't for example blame your dog if he ate your homework as the old saying goes.

Another thing that I question is his integrity. Over four months ago myself, him, and my dad went to Wal-Mart after the meeting at the library. While there he asked my dad to loan him $20 to buy some clothes. My dad, being the generous person that he is, gave him the money. On more than one occassion he mentioned something about repaying my dad. On one occassion, he said something about getting the $20 from his accountant. I seriously doubt that he has an accountant as he is a person of limited means as I mentioned previously. Now he never says anything about this debt. My dad hasn't asked for payment but he should not have to. My belief is that a person should keep to their word. If you promise something to someone, you should keep your promise to that person unless there's a legitimate reason why you can't keep that promise. My sense is that my dad will never get his $20 back from him. Granted that this isn't a large sum of money but the principle of the matter must be considered here, I think.

He also seems to be an individual that seeks to take advantage of people. A good example of this is when he orders an expensive item off the menu at a restaurant when we're together with my dad. You see it's kind of a tradition that my dad and I (plus a guest maybe) eat out prior to the meeting. This seems improper to me because my dad is paying the bill. He has offered on more than occassion to treat us to dinner but this has never happened. Furthermore, he hasn't even offered to pay the tip which would only amout to a few dollars. If I were taken out to a restaurant where someone else was paying the tab, I'd not go overboard on ordering and I'd offer to pay all or part of the tip unless I was truly broke.

Another example of him trying to take advantage of my dad's generousity was when he asked him to pay for half of a gas stove. The stove that he had was quite old and didn't work anymore. My dad and I disposed of the old stove for him. He explained to my dad that he'd have his half of the payment in a week's time. A week went by and when the day came to get the stove he claimed that he didn't have the money. Also he asked my dad if he could pay his half later. My dad replied that wasn't acceptable. More than a year has gone by since then and to this day he still does not have a gas stove. I'm not certain about this, but I think he planned in advance to ask my dad to pay for all of the stove rather than coming up with half of the money as agreed.

I should mention that it's not my desire to be overly critical of him as he does have some good character traits. Everyone has positive and negatives aspects. I just wish he was more honest and trustworthy. It's probably safe to say that we'll continue to be friends in the future despite the issues that I outlined above. Guess what I should do is more critically evaluate statements from him that seem questionable in some way. Perhaps he'll come to realize the error of his ways but I really doubt this. I wonder if he realizes what he is doing or on the other hand he realizes that he is sometimes acting in a manipulative way.

Essay on a food I like - Sushi Anyone?

Sushi Anyone?

I recall years ago that my dad prepared for us shrimp cocktails. It tasted good but something was not quite right about it. After more than a few bites it occurred to me that perhaps the shrimp was not cooked. The shrimp was purchased at Wal-Mart from the seafood section where they sell uncooked frozen shrimp. I then asked my dad if he had cooked the shrimp. His reply was that he had not. We all had a good laugh about that. This would be my first experience with raw seafood.

Many years later on I went to a sushi bar over in Sherman, Texas. I ordered some tuna, smoked salmon, and salmon roe (eggs). My order included these items but it also came with eel due to some kind of misunderstanding, I guess. I tried everything except the eel first. You see I was kind of hesitant to sample the eel given what I knew about eels (their appearance kind of creeps me out you might say). I finally did taste the eel. It was not bad really and I guess I'd try it again I suppose.

I must admit that the idea of eating raw seafood was something that hampered my desire to try sushi for many years. I'm glad that I overcame that "food prejudice" because to me sushi is fairly tasty. If you haven't tried it yet, I suggest that you do so sometime. Sushi is usually consumed with wasabe and fresh ginger root. Wasabe, which is similar to horseradish, as with ginger, is a great complement to the sushi. My understanding is that the wasabe in many restaurants is actually horseradish that has been dyed green the reason being that real wasabe is expensive.

Essay about sorrow - On a Shooting Star

On a Shooting Star

It was sometime in 1998 that I met Katherine (usually called her Kathy). I found her online using the ICQ chat program. She was an accomplished architect. To this day you can see some of the structures that were built using her designs in Durant, Oklahoma. At the time I met her she was 36 years old. I was 29. We really had a lot of good times together. I thought highly of her.

One day I recall --- in the summer I think it was --- her and I looking at a meteorite shower. She brought out her camera to take photographs of the night sky. You see she was also a photographer. We saw several meteorites --- popularly known as "shooting stars" --- that night. I don't think we ever got any good photos of any meteorites but more importantly we had a nice time together.

We generally got along very well and we enjoyed the company of each other. There were basically two topics that might (and did on a few occasions) cause an argument. One was politics and the other was religion. Our political discussions usually did not become heated. Religion was another matter. I recall one day that we were discussing the existence (or lack of) of God. I kept trying to convince her that God was indeed real. Sad to say that this particular argument became way too heated. In response to this argument, like an idiot, I sought the comfort of a woman that I had been speaking to on the Internet --- a woman that years later I regretted in having ever met. Kathy and I, save for one day a few years later, never got back together again. In retrospect, I can't understand why I did what I did. I should have agreed to disagree on this point of contention. I mean after all no one will agree with someone on everything, right? I learned a hard lesson that day. What I learned is that one should not try to force their beliefs on someone else and you always have to keep your anger in check.

I recall a discussion that we had concerning tax reform. I was advocating a national sales tax --- something that I advocate to this very day --- to replace the income tax system. Kathy thought that a flat income tax would be a better choice. I told her that I thought that I was right but that her idea certainly had some merit. About anything was better than the morass that is the U.S. tax code, in my opinion. I mention all of this to show you the kind of conversations that I could have with her. It is indeed rare to find someone you can really talk to and have a fun time with.

One day I got in a bad argument --- an all out verbal fight really --- with the woman I now was with. This argument, like the one mentioned earlier with Kathy, was centered on religion, however this time I was completely justified in my anger. I won't go into the details of that here but suffice it to say that I was extremely troubled about the outcome of it. She told me that she never wanted to see me again. I took her at her word for that.

A day or so after this argument I got a hold of Kathy. A little after contacting her we decided to meet. After I met her we spoke briefly and then we kissed for some length. It was as if I had never parted from her. We then went over to her place to hang out in the pasture. By the end of the day we were both severely sunburned. Despite that we had a nice time together. Later that day I ran into the woman that I spoke of earlier. She begged me to take her back. Again like a fool I did as she asked. Years later I realized that she is a very manipulative person who was really good at playing on a person's emotions. She could make up a good story and her tearfulness was compelling. Sad to say I never saw Kathy again. Before I parted with her I recall her telling me that I was immature. She was totally right about that. Looking back on it now, I can't understand why I ever involved myself with this woman and why I took her back. This makes no sense to me. Fortunately I finally did completely part ways with her (this was in 2007). My emotional health has been much better ever since then. I just wished that I could have spent some more time with Kathy.

A year or so later I heard from Kathy online. She mentioned to me the promise that I made to her to celebrate her next birthday with her at Red Lobster. I really wanted to be with her but I feared what would happen if I did. It is now crystal clear to me that the woman I was with is a very unstable individual. At that time though I was given to fearing from her threats and manipulative actions. It saddens me to say that I missed Kathy's birthday party.

After another year (or thereabouts) had passed by I learned that Kathy had died. You see she was in a bad car accident before I met her. She had internal injuries that she had never fully recovered from. There was a memorial service held for her. I could not bring myself to go to it. In retrospect, it was something that I probably should have gone to. You see I wanted to remember her the way that she was. During the latter years of her life she was involved in volunteer work. I sensed that something had changed about her. My belief is that she may have found the Lord. I certainly hope that she did. Perhaps then I shall meet her again some day? I may have received a sort of answer to these questions because one day I was standing on the back porch of my house when I asked God what became of her. Suddenly I saw a meteorite streak through the sky. Possibly that was His way of saying yes to my questions. In any case, it was a moving experience to me.

Essay on something I hate - The Virtues of Polite Driving

The Virtues of Polite Driving

I don't hate many things but something I do hate is ill-mannered drivers. Haste, bad manners behind the wheel, and reckless driving are probably the cause of more than a few traffic accidents. Being inconsiderate when driving is not only bad manners it can be dangerous as well. Drivers have a responsibility towards other drivers who share the road with them.

One good example of inconsiderate driving is when someone passes you only to turn off a minute or so later. What may I ask is the purpose in that? The more logical thing to do would be to wait until you're ready to turn off. Anxiousness, I guess, is the cause behind this sort of behavior. It should be noted that passing is said to be one of the more risky maneuvers in driving. For this reason it's sensible to only pass someone as necessary.

Some example of bad driving are more of a source of aggravation than endangering others. Not switching off the high beams on your auto as you're approaching an incoming auto is certainly not a nice thing to do but it usually does not result in an accident. Leaving the high beam on while driving closely behind someone is also annoying.

When you drive please consider others on the road. I think the old adage "Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you" certainly applies to driving. Rudeness is never called for when driving. Good driving manners will not only keep people in a better mood it will also cut down on traffic accidents as I mentioned earlier.

Five best essays based on first line

1) Going Out for a Walk

It is a fact that not once in all my life have I gone out for a walk.

2) A Piece of Chalk

I remember one splendid morning, all blue and silver, in the summer holidays, when I reluctantly tore myself away from the task of doing nothing in particular, and put on a hat of some sort and picked up a walking-stick, and put six very bright-coloured chalks in my pocket.

3) The Execution of Tropmann

IN JANUARY OF THE CURRENT YEAR (1870), while dining in Paris at the house of an old friend of mine, I received from M. Du Camp, the well-known writer and expert on the statistics of Paris, quite an unexpected to be present at the execution of Tropmann---and not only at his execution: it was proposed that I should be admitted to the prison itself together with a small number of other privileged persons.

4) Hashish in Marseilles

PRELIMINARY REMARK: One of the first signs that hashish is beginning to take effect "is a dull feeling of foreboding; something strange, ineluctable is approaching...images and chains of images, long-submerged memories appear, whole scenes and situations are experienced; at first they arouse interest, now and then enjoyment, and finally, when there is no turning away from them, weariness and torment.

5) Leaving the Movie Theater

THERE IS SOMETHING TO CONFESS: your speaker likes to leave a movie theater.

Five essays that I might like to write someday

1) Fastest Turtle in the West

A lot of people think that all turtles are slow but this could not be any
further from the truth.

2) The Mysterious Traveler

Some day you will be one.

3) The Still Small Voice

God speaks to us in many different ways.

4) Mind Travel

Just where is your mind?

5) Dreamscapes

Dreams are a funny thing.

What kind of personal essayist might you be?

I. The Conversational Element (xxiv-xxv). Would you describe yourself as someone who often feels ambivalent about issues? Are you the kind of person who has lots of doubts? Do you make a habit of examining your doubts?

I usually have a clearly formed opinion on any given issue. As for doubts I do have a few. Probably would be accurate to say that I examine them often.

II. Honesty, Confession, and Privacy (xxv-xxvii). Would you describe yourself as a private person or do you tend to be more of an "open book"?

I'd probably classify myself as being somwhere in between those two extremes. I'm guarded on a few aspects of myself but generally open on most things.

III. The Contractions and Expansions of the Self (xxvii-xxix). How comfortable do you feel about talking about your flaws or things you've done in the past that embarrass you now? Are proud of your knowledge of a particular subject?

I generally am comfortable about talking about my flaws unless it's something of a very personal nature. I tend to be a very introspective person at times. There are a few subjects where I somewhat pride myself on knowing about. If I don't know a particular subject very well I'm quick to point that out because of my high desire not to mislead or misinform someone.

IV. The Role of Contrariety (30-31). How comfortable do you feel expressing an opinion that you know others will disagree with?

Generally speaking I'm comfortable expressing a dissenting opinion if I know that I'm sure of my facts otherwise I tend to remain mainly silent.
V. The Problem of Egotism (31-32). Do you worry that writing about your personal life in detail is a sign of egotism or vanity?

My rule here is that if I strongly believe that something about myself is very interesting I feel largely comfortable writing about that.

VI. Cheek and Irony (32-33). How comfortable do you feel making fun of yourself? How do you feel about mocking other people?

I usually am comfortable being self-deprecating the reason being is that I don't wish to take myself very seriously. As for mocking other peoiple, I generally avoid doing that unless I know I'm on safe ground. I certainly don't want to offend someone.

VII. The Idler Figure (33-35). How do you feel about wasting time? Are you the kind of person who likes to have a strict schedule that you can stick to or do you prefer not to have a schedule at all and let things happen spontaneously?

A mix of both I guess. I wouldn't classify myself as a very structured person. My belief is that too much structure interferes with the creative process.

VIII. The Past, the Local, and the Melancholy (35-37). Do you often find yourself looking back at past experiences and reflecting on how they shaped the person you are today?

As I mentioned earlier, I tend to be fairly introspective the reason being that I'm always trying to improve myself as a person.

IX. Questions of Form and Style (37-41). Would you say you feel more comfortable writing narratives or writing arguments or writing reports? Do you like to read texts that take a straight path from A to B or do you prefer to read texts that meander into unexpected places?

A mix of all of these is what I like generally speaking. One does have to be careful with digressions though as they can confuse the reader at times.

X. Quotation and the Uses of Learning (41-42). Would you describe yourself as someone who is well-read? Do you like to quote others in your own writing? Do you like to write about what others have written?

I'm probably not as well read as I need to be. This is something that I'm working on. I do like to quote others in my writing (usually in a limited way). Sometimes I will write about what others have written but generally speaking I try to create matter that is completely original.

XI. The Personal Essay as Mode of Thinking and Being (42-45). Would you describe yourself as someone who is open to a radical change in your life right now?

Probably not unless there is a very good justification for that. That said I'm usually open to change albeit small changes.

On Writing

Writing, a form of written communication, serves many purposes. Writing is used to express ideas, concepts, facts, and other bits of information. The purpose behind writing may be to inform, entertain, persuade, or some combination of these three.

Writing is oftentimes targeted towards a particular audience. The audience may be adults, children, other writers, politicians, a specific age range, a particular demographic, etc. The writing is crafted in such a way with the hope of appealing to a particular group or it may be written to appeal to a general audience.

A benefit of writing is to get one’s ideas down on paper. This is helpful because it allows one to crystallize their thinking. Once one’s ideas are written down they may be edited, further refined, and reviewed by others.

Another benefit of writing is its ability to share ideas with one another. Other forms of communication, such as visual or spoken, are also effective in this regard but they generally lack the ability to be edited one of the strengths of writing. Writings can be developed over time. The author of a work can even revisit that work years later after it has been written. A poetry archive that I’ve been developing since 1997 is a good example of this. Time and the increase in my writing capability has allowed me to make refinements that otherwise might not have been made.

Truly writing is a powerful form of communication. Millions of works are available for people to enjoy ranging widely in subject and tenor. Writing enables writers to creatively express themselves.